We never get a quiet week, do we?
Real Madrid and Chelsea are back in crisis, Liverpool have forgotten how to score and Juventus may or may not be rubbish. So yeah, it’s been busy.
It’s time for us to try and wrap our heads around it all and rank the top 15 players, and this week, it’s the turn of 2013 to provide some inspiration with the movie quotes.
“Hi, everyone. I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs!” (Frozen)
Messi‘s gonna need a hug after the week he had.
A hamstring injury kept him out of the Super Cup semi-final, and when he came back to the team for the final, he picked up the first red card of his Barcelona career. Not good.
“If you awaken that beast, you’ll destroy us all!” (The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug)
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has finally awoken Pogba.
The Manchester United midfielder has been slowly picking himself up over the last few weeks, but he took things to the next level with a worldie of a goal against Fulham. He’s back.
“Look at me.”
“Look at me.”
“I am the captain now.” (Captain Phillips)
Suarez has rocked up at Atletico Madrid this season and made sure everyone knows they’re on his ship now.
He added two more goals to his tally this week in his side’s 2-1 win over Eibar, including a 90th-minute penalty to secure all three points.
“I’ve got this completely under control!”
“Is that why everything’s on fire?” (Thor: The Dark World)
After a couple of games in which they looked to have rediscovered their groove and got everything under control, Borussia Dortmund are back struggling again.
A 1-1 draw with strugglers Mainz was followed by a 2-1 loss to Bayer Leverkusen, and Haaland didn’t score in either.
“Don’t worry about me, Gru, I’ll be fine! I have survived lots worse than this. Okay, that’s not entirely true, I’m actually kind of freaking out up here!” (Despicable Me 3)
Four games in a row without a goal for Mbappe. That’s almost unheard of.
PSG’s forwards weren’t firing against Angers, but luckily, left-back Layvin Kurzawa was ready to save the day.
“Do you ever miss your regular life?”
“Regular life? What is that? It doesn’t exist.” (Dallas Buyers Club)
There’s nothing regular about Bayern Munich these days.
They finally stopped conceding first in games this week, and unsurprisingly, that led to two wins. Thomas Muller was the star of the show, bagging a goal and an assist in the 2-1 win over Freiburg.
“I hate space.” (Gravity)
Lukaku could no nothing with the space given to him against Juventus.
His Inter side stormed to a huge 2-0 victory, but the Belgian failed to get himself on the score sheet and had to watch on as Nicolo Barella stole the show.
“There she is! Katniss Everdeen! The girl on fire!” (The Hunger Games: Catching Fire)
Napoli are clawing their way back into the Serie A title picture, and that’s largely because Insigne has been on fire.
He was in outstanding form against Fiorentina, bagging two goals and an assist to inspire his side to a whopping 6-0 win. All in a day’s work.
“I will not fall into despair. I will keep myself hardy, till freedom is opportune!” (12 Years a Slave)
He might have ended up with an assist against Fulham, but the main talking point for Fernandes this week was his poor showing against Liverpool.
His tricky record against the Premier League‘s big six continues.
“The car’s a little dinged up, I’m a little stiff. But whatever I don’t want to talk about it.” (American Hustle)
Ibrahimovic might be a little stiff after missing eight games through injury, but he’s back with a real bang now.
He added two more goals to his tally this week – 12 in eight games – ensuring he has still scored in every game he has started this season. It would be every game, but he failed to net in his five-minute cameo against Torino.
“I’ve been waiting for this my whole life! I’m gonna be a scarer!” (Monsters University)
Few wingers are in scarier form right now than Goncalves.
He scored Sporting CP’s goal in their 1-1 draw with Rio Ave this week and then added the decisive 94th-minute assist in a 2-1 win over Porto, capping off the week in style.
“Did they hurt you?”
“You know they can’t.” (Man of Steel)
A 2-0 loss to Inter might have hurt Ronaldo, but he made sure to bounce back in emphatic fashion.
It was the Portugal international who opened the scoring in Juve’s Super Cup triumph over Napoli, adding yet another trophy to his ridiculous cabinet.
“You know who I am. You don’t know where I am. And you’ll never see me coming.” (Iron Man 3)
Roma couldn’t see Immobile coming when he opened the scoring in the Derby della Capitale.
Manuel Lazzari capitalised on a mistake, and played the ball into the box, and Immobile seemed to come out of nowhere to get on the end of it and fire his side ahead.
“Uh, guys, we gotta come up with another plan. They got a tank.”
“I’m sorry. Did somebody just say a tank?!” (Fast & Furious 6)
Sheffield United couldn’t come up with a plan to stop Kane from bagging his customary goal this week.
Like a tank, he fired a powerful long-range shot past Aaron Ramsdale in the Blades’ goal to put Tottenham 2-0 ahead and effectively put the game to bed.
“I’m not f**king leaving!” (The Wolf of Wall Street)
Lewandowski isn’t leaving the top of these power rankings anytime soon.
The Bayern hitman played two games this week and found the back of the net in both. That’s seven straight games with a goal and his tally now sits on 22 in just 16 games.