That Robert Lewandowski fella, then. Likes a Tik Tok, seems fairly quiet, something about Blackburn and an ash cloud. Oh yeah, and he’s sound for a goal.
Responsible for once scoring five goals in nine minutes, and four in 15 on another occasion, as well as plenty of other absurdities in front of goal on the football pitch, the Polish forward is one of the very best the game will ever witness.
Frankly, Lewandowski has scored far too many goals to ever decide on an exhaustive list of his best. But we’ve tried. Here are 30 of the Pole’s greatest and most memorable strikes.
After Sweden had stormed into a two goal lead and Lewandowski had already gotten into a fight with the crossbar with a header, things looked bleak for Poland.
And while they couldn’t win the game, the first of Lewandowski’s two late goals was an absolute peach, cutting inside at the edge of the box and lashing the ball high into the far corner.
A landmark game early on in his Bundesliga career, Lewandowski secured his first hat-trick in the German top flight.
Of the three strikes, it was his third that stands out, leaping above the defenders and heading beyond the goalkeeper to ensure he was taking home the matchball.
Creating another record, Lewandowski became the first player to score a hat-trick in the DFL-Supercup as Bayern eased to the trophy.
Of his three goals, it was again the third that stood out. Lewandowski sits just off the defensive line and beats them both with the perfect first touch into goal, before sliding it beyond the goalkeeper like a true veteran.
A tough start to the season saw Hansi Flick take charge of Bayern Munich, which immediately galvanised a squad needing guidance.
The change sparked Lewandowski to life against Red Star, bagging four goals in 15 minutes. Goal number three stood out, running across the defenders and glancing his header backwards. It looks easy, but it’s a ridiculous skill.
Going one better was his fourth of the night, which he managed to sneak in before being substituted.
A fine one-two saw Lewandowski time his movement back into an onside position perfectly, before anchoring around the defender and lasering the ball in once again.
One of his most iconic performances ever – and definitely his finest hour at Borussia Dortmund – was the night Lewandowski back-pocketed Real Madrid.
Four goals. Four. Against a Real side with Ramos, Pepe and the rest. For his second, Lewandowski spun seamlessly and took a ball on the half turn before poking it into the net, with all the grace you could possibly muster up. Beautiful, yet instinctive and murderous.
What’s a Lewandowski goal list without acknowledging where it all started in Germany?
Goal number one. Revierderby. Corner. Poaching the box and stalking the ball like a hawk. Defenders had no chance. First up, first contact with the ball. Always going in from there. Textbook. Yeah, looks alright does this lad.
Having won the league in his debut season, Lewandowski now had the chance to shine in the European main event.
He turned on the style for this one. Picking the ball up at the edge of the box, Lewandowski flicked up a fizzed pass and rifled it home on the half volley from the edge of the box. Dortmund lost the game, but a new star had been introduced to Europe.
The cat was out of the bag at this point. Big time.
With barely over three minutes to play, Lewandowski ensured Dortmund weren’t slumping to a draw in their group stage opener and mustered up a late winner. More than just a pretty good goalscorer.
The night that announced Lewandowski to the world.
Welcoming an ever star-studded Real Madrid to Westfalenstadion, Dortmund’s Polish forward showed no fear. In a ridiculous four goal haul, his third was a proper striker’s effort; turn on the first touch, wipe out the defence and poke it past the keeper. Effortless.
In the final of the DFB-Pokal – Germany’s biggest cup competition – Lewandowski opened the scoring in supreme style.
Having been put under early pressure from RB Leipzig, an attack and a wayward cross saw him lunging backwards for the ball. Somehow, he found a connection with his head, moving backwards but heading forwards with enough venom to hit the back of the net.
Lewandowski loves a goal against Wolfsburg.
After a slow start against them in the Bundesliga, the Pole smelt blood and the opportunity to surpass the 250 Bundesliga goal mark. It was his 251st that stood out, though, snapping the ball inside and sending the defender for a bratwurst before smashing gracefully into the corner for three points.
The heat was on full during Lewandowski’s final season with Dortmund.
In a 5-0 trouncing of Freiburg, he made it 3-0 with an incredibly complexed finish. Receiving the ball in the box away from goal, he brought it down beyond a swarm of defenders, found half a yard and used it to lift the ball over the goalkeeper with a dink.
On their way to the final of the DFB-Pokal, Lewandowski just had to reach another milestone.
Smashing home the second in a comprehensive 2-0 Dortmund victory, Lewandowski reached the 100 goal mark for Der BVB in the process.
Having already beaten them in Portugal in the group stages, Bayern Munich spared no mercy as Benfica came to Munich.
Lewandowski was on fire during the 5-1 thrashing, with his first being memorable. Showing off he was more than just a threat from the floor, he leaped up from a corner and headed home to score his 50th Champions League goal, becoming the third fastest player to reach the milestone.
Five goals, Robert? That’s insane.
Goal number four. Running onto a loose cross having already scored a record breaking hat-trick, Lewandowski added another by smashing through the ball and the net with a wicked half volley that could take a meteor out of the sky.
Not only was this one a ridiculous finish, but it was ridiculously important to the season’s title race.
In what was heading for a goalless draw between the two title contenders, Lewandowski popped up with a clever flick from an oncoming shot outside the box to send the ball past Manuel Neuer, keeping Dortmund ahead in the title race and ultimately winning them the Bundesliga.
Having fallen victim to an early Freiburg goal, a Lewandowski strike tied things up after 35 minutes.
And with the game looking set to end at 1-1, Lewandowski was having none of it. Late goal. Injury time. Match winner again. We can’t beat this guy.
Reaching 50 goals in rapid fashion just wasn’t enough on the night, so Lewandowski popped in Champions League goal number 51 while he was there.
His 17th in 18 club appearances at the time, he added a second header for the brace, this time attacking the ball in proper textbook fashion and glancing it behind everyone and into the back of the net.
He’s more than just a tap in merchant, you know.
With Atletico Madrid one win away from going six in six in the group stages, it took a moment of sheer brilliance from Lewandowski to stop their run. He smashed in a free-kick after 28 minutes to show his range and halt Diego Simeone’s side.
With that inevitable move to Bayern Munich now underway, Lewandowski signed off in trademark exquisite fashion with Dortmund.
Securing league top scorer again on the final day, the Polish forward rattled a free-kick top bins to do so in style.
Narratives are great. They’re even greater when it’s a little bit sadistic, like how many times Lewandowski has used his former employers as a punching bag.
In a 5-0 thrashing of Dortmund, Lewandowski reached 200 Bundesliga goals in style. Finishing up with a brace, he gets through on goal and makes a rushing goalkeeper look a fool by dinking it over him, watching the ball down and smashing it home on the half volley.
A win, a hat-trick and a bloody good one at that, considering the free-kick it involved. An ideal matchday two after a blip in the season opener.
Central is a tricky spot even for the best of set piece specialists, but the perfect blend of power and grace saw the Poland forward rattle the ball over the wall and perfectly into the top corner.
The range to this guy’s game is beyond a joke. Close range tap in, long range screamer, it never ends. Give us a break, Robert.
Staging a second leg comeback at the Camp Nou, Lewandowski faced up his defender on the edge of the box and, with a few flashes of razor sharp footwork, earned half a yard to smash the ball into the back of the net. Unbelievable levels of skill.
Back to that record breaking fixture, goal number two was the pick of the bunch.
A minute – yes, a minute – after scoring the equaliser having come on at half-time, Lewandowski picked the ball up and smashed it from distance, gliding it along the floor and into the back of the net for 2-1. The wonder goal that set up a record breaking haul.
Having been clinging on somewhat to a 1-0 lead, Dortmund needed a glimpse of magic from their Polish magician. And they got it.
Taking the ball on the halfway line, Lewandowski carried it beyond a line of defenders having covered some 60 metres, before finding the onion sack with ease to round off a stunning solo goal and make it 2-0. More than just a penalty box player.
Proper street goal, this. But the audacity to pull it off in front of a rabid Allianz makes it even better.
Lewandowski waits around the edge of the box for service, but dips into a challenge to retrieve the ball. Flicking it over himself and the defender from a 50-50, he turns on it and punts it home like a prime Randy Orton from distance. Have it.
From a thunder strike to one with all the elegance and audacity you could ever comprehend.
Running onto a ball heading away from goal, Lewandowski needed one touch to send a rushing goalkeeper packing with egg on his face. He lofts the ball over everybody and into the net when the angle looked impossible. Need some sauce with that one.
Apologies to any Wolfsburg fans for the trauma. This is the last one now, we promise.
Rounding off a sensational and equally as bewildering goal haul, Lewandowski made it five goals from nine minutes with an absolute scorcher. Eyeing a cross from Mario Gotze, Lewandowski sticks up a leg and smashes it into the back of the net with half a bicycle kick from outside of the area. Absolute carnage.
All that skill, and it doesn’t stop there; expert timing for optimum drama, too.
In the final minute of Bayern‘s Bundesliga season, Lewandowski made history (again) by surpassing Gerd Muller’s 40 goals in a single season with his strike against Augsburg, bringing him to a historic and unprecedented 41 league goals. Forty one. Mesmerising.